Talking to strangers is the new black

Bodhi and I lost a member of our family…moment of silence. Please remove your hats. I returned Scooba. It was not that hard of a decision. I get to the mall and holy crap, it’s like St. Nick threw up on the place. I hate Christmas. That’s fine, I just need to get to the store, talk to the worker person, and walk out a ton lighter. As soon as I walk in I hear “MISS BAKODY!!!” Ruh roh. I turn around to see one of my former students that I had during my first year at Madison. “Oh my god, hi…. (I look down and thank god he had a name tag on)…John! You work here?” “Yeah! Do you need help with anything?” “Yeah, I need to get rid of this hunk of junk and return it. Can you help me?” “ Sure.” As I head to the cashier, I realize he is no longer behind me. I end up having to talk to one of the other worker peeps. “Hi, how can I help you?” “Hello, I would like to return this. I have all the parts and packaging and receipt and what not.”
Her- ok, lemme see
Me- here ya go…
Her- (uber long pause)…um, ma’am, you have used this.
Me- Yes, I know, that’s how and why I know it doesn’t work.
Her-Yes, but you used it…
Me- Well, I had to use it in order to see if I liked it, and I don’t so I don’t want it anymore. And I’m within my allotted time frame to return it.
Her- This is dirty.
Me- Yes it is. Its primary function is to remove dirt so chances are it would be dirty. Now see, if I was returning, say, a sanitary device that only was made to be sanitary, it would be clean if I returned it. But being that the Scooba’s main purpose for existing is to clean up dirt, chances are that it would be dirty.
Her- But you didn’t even clean it.
Me- I decided to clean up Scooba as much as he cleaned my floors: not much.
Her-(Rolling her eyes at my constant verbal backhanding) let me go see what I can do.
She ends up leaving for about 20 minutes. During this time my former student sashays up next to me, “So, how are you?” “I’m great thanks. Are you at Grant now?” “No, I’m home schooled.” “WHAT? WHY? You’re so smart. Why did you do that?” “I’m getting all A’s and B’s. I am doing well!”
And that’s when it hit me like a flash: I absolutely hated this kid! He was such a liar. He would look you dead in the eye and attempt to convince you that he was mayor. But he would believe it. I don’t know how many times he would all of a sudden walk around class and I would say, “ John, what are you doing?” His response was, “I’m going to the bathroom.” “Um, dude…you need to ask for permission” (and yes, I used to call the kids dude, amongst other things.) “But Miss Natasha, I did ask you and you said yes.” “John…was I asleep? Did you ask me while I was in a coma? Or, oh wait, were you asleep and this was a dream you had?” Every single day, the same freaking thing with this kid. What a douche! I honestly didn’t like him. Anyway, as I was flashing on how I always wanted to drop kick this kid, the lady came back and without looking at me asked for my card and receipt and completed my return. Oh happy day. I thanked her and wished her a happy holiday. Then, as I was heading out, I bid John adu and high tailed it out of there hoping not to see anyone else I knew. I walked out a ton lighter, my wallet a ton heavier, and my people confrontation skills a ton sharper. My new goal…no more malls till 2009. You never know which ghost from your past is likely to haunt you.