I go through all this before you wake up

I either have been way too clumsy for my own good, or someone made a voodoo doll of me and is going to town. Yesterday, for some odd reason, I thought it would be rad to cut my freaking finger off. But common sense got the best of me and I didn’t quite go all the way through. Ew, I just made myself nausage. (It’s a hybrid of nauseous and sausage and I came up with a while ago and I still enjoy it.) My friend was with me and I was so ‘meh’ that I didn’t flip out…too much. I hate blood. Especially mine. It needs to stay in me. This vacation that it sometimes thinks it needs to take is not appreciated by moi. Stay in one place and enjoy it, Mr. Hemoglobin. Then last night I totally ran into the doorframe. So hard in fact that my roommate shot me a look because it made him look up from the TV. I looked at him and asked, “When the hell did we put that there?” It’s going to leave a bruise. I’m going to start naming my bruises. THEN…this morning, in my car, on the way to work…wait for it…wait for it…I got stung by a baby bee! While driving! On the one-oh-one! Are you joking me??? Where the hell is the camera? Am I getting punked? And because of this stupid encounter, I haven’t been able to get that “I’m taking home my baby bumblebee” song out of my head all day! Wow, re-reading this, I am on punctuation overload. Cereal. Serial. Syria. All I wanted to do tonight was have an escape from daily life and my new injuries and go to the observatory to walk around. But with the way that things are going one of two things are most likely going to happen. Either A: The Autobots will be holding their meeting and as they “roll out” I’m going to be run over by Bumblebee, or B: There will be some kind of cosmic breakdown and a black hole will appear over the observatory and I will be sucked out of this realm and placed in another. Wait, that sounds kinda amazing. Ok, observatory back on!
Side note: It's Bjork's birthday.

I would be jealous too

Being that I have now adopted borderline OCD in regards to cleanliness, I decided that I needed a vacuum. And not just any vacuum. I decided I needed a Hello Kitty vacuum. So I go to the Sanrio store in the mall (which I HATE HATE HATE) and after not being able to find a vacuum there, decide to go to the Little Tokyo mall on Saturday. In the mean time, I will browse the mall. I go into Restoration and have to leave after I seriously contemplated purchasing a 40-dollar Christmas ornament. (I hate Christmas, but am determined to attempt to enjoy it this year.) After peeling myself away from there, I headed to the Disney store, only to talk myself out of purchasing a Nightmare Before Christmas black feather wreath. I’m still on the fence about whether or not I did the right thing. I leave, convince myself I don’t need a giant princess tent and head to Brookstone. I peruse the bizarre gadgets and get to the home area. That’s where I found it. A robot vacuum! The Roomba. But it wasn’t just any Roomba, oh no, it was the Scuba!!! Meaning it actually washes the floors instead of just sucking. Then I see the Scuba is on sale!!!! Then, after talking to my friendly neighborhood Brookstone employee, Chet (Holy Chet!) he gave me an employee discount as well!!! My robot vacuum that should have cost four hundred gorgonzola’s only ended up costing me one hundred and fifty buckaroos! I walked out of the store and literally had to mentally remind myself not to skip in the mall. I hate the mall. With the saved money, I went to Wacko’s and ended up getting salt and pepper shakers, naked lady shot glasses, a pirate welcome mat, and a new purse. And that was after I talked myself out of getting an exact replica leg lamp from A Christmas Story. I am determined to get into the Christmas spirit this year. Oh holy night!

I mutate it my way!

If I were to have an esophagus that became irritated, I would be pissed. If I had an esophagus that became MUTATED I would be overjoyed. I already decided what I want my esophagus to mutate into. An awesome robot that sings Frank Sinatra songs. Can I choose what I want my mutated esophagus to turn into? I would be so sad if it turned into a basketball. I hate basketball. And chances are I would dribble all over. BA ZING!