When do I get my first chip?

Hello (clear throat) hi (clear throat again) oh my, hello.
Sorry, I’m a bit nervous. I mean, I’ve never admitted it out loud. And though I’m sure my friends and family have all seen the signs, I never out right said what I am.
So how do you start these things again?
Hi, my name is Natasha. And I’m inappropriate.
I guess if I had to pin point a start, it would be second grade. I know, young right? Although looking back, I don’t think I knew what I was doing. I was naïve. In fact, I don’t think that when I started I was inappropriate at all, but if I knew then what I know now, I would have never gone on this downward spiral. But I was 8. Someone should have taken heed. The warning signs were all there. Saying things without thinking. Quieting a room. Making other people feel uncomfortable with what I said. I was textbook. Telling a teacher that” nobody else likes you, but I think you’re okay” should have been the beginning and the end of my dabbling. I guess it was amusing for others.
I think I put the kibosh on it for many years. Or, at least I was so wrapped up in the whole thing, I didn’t realize I was inappropriate. I think that’s scarier. For a period of time, I was actually very P.C. But then something happened and I went right back on the inappropriate bandwagon. It started minor again, with me telling a Hasidic Jew something so vulgar I feel ashamed to repeat it. I distinctly remember the faces of everyone at the table. It seemed funny at the time, but looking back, I now realize I was the only one laughing. Seems to be the story of my inappropriate life.
I didn’t realize I had gone back to full force until about two years ago. When one of my friends died I made a ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ joke that I didn’t even realize I said until I heard the collection of groans. But that’s usually the way it happens. I black out while saying it and then come to during the aftermath.
I guess my light bulb moment happened last week, when I realized that if I want to live, I need to stop. My boss said something to the effect of “That little dog has a cute little collar. It’s all pink and fluffy on the inside and black on the outside.” To which I replied, “Aren’t we all that way though, really?” I don’t remember saying it! I don’t remember thinking it! I just remember her face. Her poor shocked face. As though I had slapped her. When I realized I had hit bottom, I just turned around and walked away. This is my last straw. This is my Everest. I cannot live my life like this anymore. I WONT live my life like this anymore. I don’t want to be another statistic; I want to come out on the other side! I choose LIFE!!!

I'll take the physical challenge, Mark!

I am super competitive. Like disgusting. I am not a good loser. I love to play games and love even more to beat your ass. My roommate is now understanding this. Which is why he sent me a notification to be on a game show!!!! This is my new obsession. I HAVE to go on a game show. And if him and I go on it together, he can do the math and the…boy stuff, and I can do everything else. I think we can do this. I KNOW we can do this. The notification stated that they needed energetic, (Check!) charismatic (Check!!) people with a sense of humor (Check!!!) So far the only thing they didn’t say was, Natasha, we are waiting for your call. It’s all based on trivia questions, pop culture references, and physical challenges. It sounds like Double Dare for adults. I would so go through a nose to get a flag while being covered in slime. Oh my God, maybe Mark Summers will host it! Truth be told, I was on a game show in high school. I don’t remember what it was called, but I do remember winning. And that was during my Morrissey/ I hate everything phase. Ah, memories. And for the record, I could have SOOO beat these guys and won everything.