Tires make me tired

Barely after noon and I already have had my fill of shenanigans today. After putting off getting tires for my car for a ridiculously long amount of time, I finally buckled down and did it. Kinda. I called my dad on the way over and he said he would go with me tomorrow morning, so just get the estimate and work my womanly ways to get a discount and whatever. Ok, this seems like a task I that should include no story, right? Wrong. So I pull in, park, get out, walk in and stand in line. I wait my turn, and then proceed to Rick’s station. “Rick,” I say, “I need tires. Are you a man that can help me? By the way Rick, I am not getting tires today, as I am already late for work (lie) and I would really just need an estimate.” Rick looks at my tires, asks me about the mileage and INSISTS that I will not only have one blow out today, but that I will have two! Two freaking blowouts! One freaking day! Holy crap! I feign terror. Then I say, “Ok, what time do you open tomorrow?” “I don’t think you get it, Natasha, you will have two blowouts today.” Ok, this is where I am no longer playing the innocent southern belle and am starting to act more like…me. “Well, Rick, considering that I’ve driven like this for a while, I’m sure one more day wont hurt.” “No, I am sure that you will have a blowout. And in this heat? Are you sure you wanna take that chance?” “Ok Rick, I’ll make you a deal. If God forbid, I get a blowout or even :::insert fake gasp here::: two blowouts, you can totally say ‘I told you so’ tomorrow. Now, may I get my estimate, please?”
Rick, at this point, tells me I have a one hundred dollar rebate on my yokuhamoashin whatever tires. Just when I think I am ready to leave, Rick decides to bring in reinforcements. He goes to some guy (I don’t remember his name, lets call him Grease Monkey. Or how about GM for short) and brings him to talk to me. “We can get you out of here in 20 minutes.” “GM, that’s very nice, but as I’ve already told Rick, I’m late for work.”
GM-15 minutes
Me- no
GM-10 minutes
Me-No
GM-5 minutes
Me-NO
GM-We can even drive you.
Me- Why would you drive me for a 5-minute procedure 30 minutes out? And as much as I LOVE awkward chitchat in cars with strangers, I am fairly certain that I have made clear that I am coming back tomorrow. Now, GM, Rick, may I please have my estimate before I end up being even later than I already am?
Rick-Are you sure…
At this point Rick’s words trail off because I am fairly certain he saw my “I swear to God I’m going to cut your throat” face. And yes, I have one, as should everyone else. It helps in situations like this, ‘cause I actually don’t have to cut throats. I just need to look like I could. Thank God I’m going to the zoo on Sunday…then I can get a wax gorilla with Mowgli.

Feed Us Too!!!

I want to go to the zoo. One of my friends says she will go with me, but she's a veggie, so I'm fairly certain she wont play my favorite zoo game, "Which animal do you think we should have for dinner?" (One time I went to Sea World and the smell made me so...hungry. So when the day was over I went to the information desk to ask where the nearest sushi place was. I wish that was a joke.) I told her that when I was little I LOVED the zoo. One time I brought my monkey puppet to the zoo. (I had a monkey puppet. It had a squeaky voice thing too! Damn I miss that monkey) So, anyway, I brought my monkey friend and in front of the monkey section, I pretended to feed it a banana. All the monkeys went wild, but in my head they were all crying cause they wanted me to feed them a banana too. I told this to my friend...she said I was a little jerk. I told her she was a little jealous. I think we're both kind of right. But mine is funnier.
How can I finagle a Jeff Buckley video in here? WAIT!!! I so know. In the original video to this song, they have monkeys that steal bikes. But I like this version better. I love him. But I’m afraid to love him.