Halloween is coming. Yeah, I know I’m more than a month early, but you should have seen how ridiculous this conversation was in June!!! So every year at about this time I start flipping out about what I want to be for Halloween. Do I have plans yet? Of course not! But I do know that I want to blow people away. I was talking to a friend of mine about this and thankfully she gets how this is a big deal, so she indulged me. We both decided that I could never be one of those slutty policeman/ fireman /chef /nurse/ baseball player / whatever. Those costumes are so painfully lame and lack any kind of originality that it has never been an option for me. My dream costume is the Bjork swan dress. I mean, I have had dreams about it! Last year I was Bjork, but it was from the Joga video. Bjork is my Madonna. But more…Icelandic.
Growing up I always had awkward costumes. In seventh grade I was the president of the “ I Love Gumby Satanic Cult.” I still don’t understand that one entirely. I was also a dead cheerleader. One of my friend’s brothers was working on special effects makeup and used prosthesis and coagulated blood. People couldn’t eat their pizza around us. It was awesome! As I got older, I started to do characters. Senior year of high school I was Death from the Sandman comics. Not a lot of people got that. A couple years ago I was a one-night stand. I had a lampshade on my head. That was it, just a lampshade. I was casting shadows of doubt everywhere. ( BA-ZING!) One year I went as Miette from City of Lost Children. Let me tell you about a costume NO ONE got! Even after the explanation! Then I was Jackie O, but as done by Parker Posey in The House of Yes. I was asked why I didn’t just go as Jackie O as done by Jackie O. Well, because that wouldn’t have been fun, duh. When I was at the middle school, I decided to go as myself from when I was a teenager. I had my hair in a pompadour, my shiny red docs, cuffed 501’s and a Morrissey shirt. Any time someone would come up to me and ask me a question, I screamed back “You don’t understand me!!!” That went over well with the kiddos. They got to see their future, ‘cause Morrissey spans generations. I wear black on the outside, cause black is how I feel on the inside…
Ok, so this brings us now to this morning. I realized I want to be a gorilla! I would totally be warm, there isn’t a lot of prep, (maybe practice grunting?) and I would be the belle of the ball! A big, hairy, menacing belle. Hide your bananas! Here comes Natasha!
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2 comments:
A gorilla sounds awesome, you'd be all stinky and sweaty inside. And maybe there's still a stench from the fat guy who wore the costume last year. Yum yum-licious. I'll give you 5 dollars to lick the inside of that costume.
Oh, by the way, have I told you my story about meeting Bjork on two separate occasions? TWICE? Yes, twice.
BA-ZING-EROHNY WITH A PICKLE!
I've hung out with you how many times? I've told you how many stories? You've never told me about meeting Bjork! I feel kinda cheated... you owe me a pickle. Or a gorilla costume.
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